Love Note For Sayang

Assalamualaikum wbt.

Sayang, when others were enjoying their reward of success for their efforts, you were holding back your tears because you didn't made it through like others, and when you can't hold that tears behind you eyes anymore, you let the pearls down on your cheek, and i just saw again and again, that amazing wife of mine, with her upmost strength and courage.

Sayang, do you still remember the first time we look at the double line on the pregnancy kit and how i was jumping in disbelief and  i keep checking on the kit every 2 seconds, afraid that it might dissapear? Since then you were carrying little Amani inside you and how our life was blessed since then for having her with us. Let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember the first time we went to the GP and when we first calculate the due date and we found out it was on the middle of the exam week and you were very worried about it? You were crying the moment we step out of the clinic as you were very worried for Amani and for your study. Then, when we discuss over the issue, your were very persistent on keep going with all the modules not wanting to defer. You have no idea how i was amazed with your determination to keep fighting for the best. For that strength and determination Allah has given you, let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember sayang, when you were having severe abdominal pain which they thought due to fibroid when we were doing our Paeds rotation in Kerry and that was the first time we heard Amani's heart sound. I was stunned and i could feel my heart stop beating for that little seconds as it was a miracle to hear her heart beat for the first time. Subhanallah, the feeling was undescriable.  She was so tiny, in fact she was as small as a lump at 6 weeks, but she was so adorable that abang kept her ultrasound photo in my paeds book and everytime i open the book, i just look at her first. Subhanallah, let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember, how much difficulty we had to go through in coping with the new situation when we were doing our first Paeds rotation in Kerry. We were thinking is this happening too fast? But never for one second i ever regret it. We were quite disorganize at that time, but still we managed to attend all of the hospital rotation regardless the complaints we had concerning false concerns over our poor attendence. We even recieved emails on advice to defer from exam, and Abang was getting email reminding not to let the situation affecting my study and my attendance to hospital. Alhamdulillah, with the help of Allah we managed to attend to our duty as a student and for that let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember how we were very worried of our Paeds clinical  exam that carry so much marks and we were worried that we were not well prepared for that because of the new experience of being pregnant and not having much chance to study because you were suffering from the abdominal pain. Allah however has bestowed upon us His mercy with a very kind hearted consultant and registrar that was very kind and has had helped us a lot. Allah has made our exam very easy for us , really, so much easier and for that let us count on Allah's blessings upon us. 

Do you still remember sayang, how we used to rush and run to catch for the bus every morning to go to the hospital with your little bump? Abang will always smile the moment i think of the memory. Abang will always remember that sweet memories of us running every morning to catch for the bus because we were late. Though it was hard for you to run and you were gasping for air when we managed to reach for the bus, it was such a joy of having you and Amani in my life. Let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember that one day i let you catch the bus alone and you almost slipped of the pathway and nearly fall to the road with a coming bus on the other direction? I was very worried when you were telling me, though you were laughing and smiling like nothing happened and since then i never let you ride the bus alone as i'm worried you may have slipped off again. How thankful i am for Allah has always kept you and Amani safe and for that let us count on Allah's blessings upon us. 

Do you still remember sayang how many times did you collapsed in the hospital while doing your hospital rotations and everytime i got your phone call saying you just fainted, my heart and mind just could not keep still. Everytime i insisted to bring you back home to have a good rest, you will insisted to stay back because you don't want to miss any tutorials and as much as i adore your perseverance, i was very worried for you. However, everytime i was worried, i just leave you and Amani in the care of the best Protector and it keeps me out of worried. Let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember sayang, how much you were complaining of back pain and discomfort for having to carry Amani for the last 9 months, and that pains seem to vanish all together, the moment i saw your most beautiful smile ever when you first felt Amani was kicking from inside. You were smiling from ear to ear and you seems to forget all the pain. Abang was so content to look at your smile.  Let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember our sweetest memories of having our lunch box everyday in the hospital? How i miss that moment of ours so much. The Irish must have look at us with plain confusion while these two are sharing their plates. Allah has made the bestest plan since the beginning when we were placed in the same group for the whole rotation, so that i can spend my every moments with you and watch your back everytime you need me.  Let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember when you cried everytime you woke up when you fell asleep while studying due to tiredness but you were worried that you haven't read much for the exam because it was so hard for you to focus on books because of tiredness and constant pain you were having. You were blaming Abang for not waking you up but Abang really don't want to wake you up, i just want to let you have a good rest because you really need it after long day at the hospital. Alhamdulillah, we managed to do well in all of our continous assessment and we never once fail in those exams. Let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember when we were told your amniotic fluid drop down in the middle of exam week and we had to go to the hospital every morning for CTG and ultrasound? Abang can still remember your unpleasant and shock look when your were told the news in the clinic. Alhamdulillah, for Allah mercy your amniotic fluid getting stable over days and we were left assured of Amani's well being. Let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

Do you still remember the pain you had to went through and the sleepless night due to the false labour you were having before Amani came to this world. All the pain and hardships were worth it the moment you had Amani's on your chest the moment she was born and you were pouring tears of happiness and syukur to Allah for the miracle. Amani is a miracle in our life. Let us count on Allah's blessings upon us.

There's so much more abang wants to write of our journey of having Amani and getting through the final year as a medical student. It was an adventorous journey for both of us, but abang cherish and missed every moments of it. It was just a wonderful experience.

In the end, the thing that matter most in the eyes of Allah is the journey that we went through, the patience, the courage and the endurance. It's the climb as the song said. Whatever Allah has bestowed upon us were His never ending blessings and for that we shall always be grateful.Allah decided to delay your success as He miss your prayer and tears in the midst of the night and He wants you to be closer and closer to Him. For that we shall be thankful to Him for just given us the very best for our life. Be glad that all of our friends and families are praying for us and may Allah rewards them for their kindness. We are blessed with wonderful friends around us that always looking after us and offering their warmest help and comfort in time of needs. For that we shall thank Allah for sending these people into our lives.

Keep up high. Don't give up. Don't be afraid of what might come tomorrow, we will sail through it together. May Allah reward every single good deeds we did for the sake of Allah. Abang and Amani are so proud of you for your courage, perseverance, strength and patience. may Allah give us patience and strength to enter His Jannatul Firdaus.

Abang and Amani love you very much, honey.

Lots of Love,

Abang & Amani