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Thursday, March 25, 2010

Saya Sangat....

Assalamualaikum wbt...

Hari nih saya nk wat entry berunsur emosi walaupun hidup sangat menggembirakan pada ketika ini..muahaha..

I don't know how to describe my feeling (can anybody describe their feeling acurately?)..anyway..it's just mixture of feeling coming together and then stormed on you whenever it wants..

Saya sangat risau dengan study saya..tp sy masih selalu malas dan kuat tidur...setiap hari saya mahu bangun awal..tetapi tiap2 hari saya gagal, dan saya mula tertekan..tiap hari juga rasa cam nak nangis sebab sangat malas *ayat shazwany mad noor* ...sy perlu ada strategi baru, tp masih belum terfikir..

Saya sangat sedih bila saya rasa saya sangat lemah..sedangkan sepatutnya saya lebih kuat,..tp sy sendiri lemah untuk menguatkan diri sendiri...mcmnakah?

Saya sangat gembira kerana hidup saya seperti Rollercoster..at time rasanya seperti berada di lorong paling gelap dalam kehidupan, tp sekarang sudah berjumpa cahaya untuk meneruskan hidup dengan baik dan semangat..sekarang sy rasa ada benda yang boleh dibuat dalam hidup..

Saya sangat excited to do everything that my mind can think of..If you wanna me to list down everything i want to do, even if Allah double my lifetime, i think it would not be enough..feeling of making sumthing new, to make change..feeling of success, feeling of failure..all make me so excited..there's so much to share, there's so much to give and yet there's much more to recieve as well

Saya sangat terkilan as if sometime why am i feeling so alone, when theres so many people around me..it's actually me separating myself from others..whenever feeling left behind, its not them leaving me behind, it's me letting them passed by me...whenever feeling there's no support coming to me, it actually me not acknowledging it, but blaming it..

Saya sangat kecewa whenever i think i failed to give support to anyone...caused what i really want from people is support, so if i fail to give them, i should not ask for it at the first place...

Saya sangat pening how should i understand people when i want them to understand me badly..its actually me failed to understand and cherish them the way they are..yet asking them to give their full understanding..

Saya sangat takut if i ever did any mistake and let people down..but i would not learn anything if i did'nt do any mistake..the more i'm afraid is the mistake i made caused people to abandon and leaving me...enough all the grave mistakes i brought upon myself in the past..whatever the consequences now, of course i have to bear it..sekrang sepertinya sudah sedikit takut tidur sorang2..tp sumpah nk tidur kt katil sendiri jugak...!!!!!

Saya sangat suka when i see people around me berlumba-lumba to improve themselves...feel so content and satisfied when the effort you put in to change yourself and people around you seperti menbuahkan hasil...it's very satisfying to see improvement in people, yet sometimes i don't know how am i have progress myself, cause i can't see the mirror in front of me..all i see is other people..

Saya sangat letih melayan karenah hati, perasaan, nafsu dan diri yang sememangnya sangat sukar di kawal...mau jadik gila juga dibuatnya melayan bender-bender gila x masuk akal nih..

Saya Paling sangat takut when all the mistakes and bad deeds and all the wierd feeling keep haunting and bugging me..making me think of the things i don't want to think at all..making me do all thing i tried to avoid so hard...making my effort seem useless and fruitless..making me think of the future i can't seem to fathom..it makes me becoming more afraid of what will i do, what more can i do and what will happen

Tapi saya Paling Paling sangat takut sekiranya saya gagal menjalankan amanah dan tanggungjawab dengan baik..gagal memenuhi hak-hak yang sepatutnya dipenuhi...

Alhamdulillah..hidup ini sangat menarik..Allah anugerahkan pelbagai bentuk rasa dan emosi untuk mendidik dan menceriakan kehidupan..All i have to do is be Thankful and Greatful..

Sekian sahaja sesi emosi hari ini..hahaha..btw hari ini sgt hepi sebab td balek dalam hujan..walaupun kasut dan baju abiss basah tp sebab dah lama x main hujan rasa best gilozz..kalau kecik-kecik mak selalunyer dia bagi jer main hujan, tp lepas main hujan wajib mandi..pastuh kalau demam nnti mak kata, 'kan mak dah larang jangan main hujan..tu laa ketegaq sangat'...hehehe...sian kt adik-adik dulu derang jarang main hujan seperti mana abang-abang derang yg selalu gila main hujan dulu2..

and sangat seronot juga dpt bercakap dengan seorang kakak nih..dia sangat baik dan sangat membantu dan sangat memberi motivasi...

adios..

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